Moonlit Meltdowns

I took a shower for the first time in a week and that’s when I tend to have creative thoughts. Since both are few and far between, I thought I’d share this one. Feel free to cringe, laugh out loud, or simply validate my insanity.

Hey. Hi. How’s life??

My husband told me I legit look crazy today, so I’m basically here to prove him right.

You may be wondering how I ended up here 👆

First off, Remi wanted me to wear her “bootiful” headband, and then I was testing out a new lip liner—I mean, why not… so I am just a total vibe.

Anyway, today is Friday. And after 5 days in a row with no childcare while working full time, it’s meltdown time. In just 5 short days, toddlers can completely unravel a semi-sane person (or maybe it’s perimenopause 🤔). This week we had a holiday, a really long meet-the-teacher morning, a well-child checkup with complementary flu shots, the first day of preschool, and a full day at home with “flu-like symptoms” (thanks, “well-child” appt). We also threw in a soccer game, shopping (spent a ridiculous amount of money on plastic jewelry as a way to quiet the divas), and a volleyball game.

Oh… and… also… my lovely, amazing, hot husband’s body decided to give out and cause an excessive amount of moans to come out of his pretty little mouth to prove his pain.

So you may be reading that and saying, “Awww, that sounds like such a GREAT time!! You WILL miss this one day. And poor Aaron and blah blah blah.”

But…

You see, mixed between those “milestones” were TWIN (that means double) toddler tantrums/meltdowns (usually at the same time) /traumatic events (that I will most definitely have PTSD from in the years to come) that make my watch send me loud environment alerts on the regular. So yeah, I celebrated all the way down the stairs of that preschool building.

And so now you might wonder, yikes… HOW did you end up THERE 👆👆👆👆👆

Well, once upon a time…

I went out to celebrate my birthday with my boyfriend.

And we consumed some voodoo shit from Sueno. These two freeze-dried ants you see here…

I think they are the reason the universe was like, “Hey, you know what would be fun!?!?! 🪄 TWINS!!” Or maybe it was just because I was old. (This is your reminder, friends—the chance of multiples increases dramatically after 35.)

So yeah. There ya have it. Surprise identical twin girls at 38. I wonder if Sueno will pay for damages suffered from emotional distress??

I hope you enjoyed this overly dramatic recap of my week. It felt good to get it out. If I don’t laugh, I will cry—and I do enough of that anyway (thanks, effed nervous system and hormones). Or wait… maybe this is the voodoo ants’ fault too 🐜🐜.

Bye for now.

Xoxo